Cops found Santa Ana Zuloaga-Campuzano passed out in his SUV surrounded by empty beer cans. He admitted he had consumed eight beers, three shots of tequila and three shots of cognac, but declined to take a breath test, saying, "What's the point, I know I'm drunk."

Shortly after being hauled in, the 30-year-old relieved himself on the floor, then treated officers to an air piano-accompanied song fest -- all while handcuffed.